


Nightmare Fantasy

by idrilhadhafang



Series: BenPoe Rewrite [5]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Horror, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Canon Compliant, Canon Rewrite, M/M, Sort Of, rated explicit to be safe, sexual fantasies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 13:11:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14853396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Nightmares aren’t the only things that come to Ben’s mind.





	Nightmare Fantasy

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For the prompt “Fears/phobias”.

  
Ben would be lying if he said that his nightmares didn’t scare him. They’ve been getting even bloodier and more frequent, and he can’t tell anyone about them.

  
They notice anyway. They notice just by how ragged and haggard he looks, and how he has to resist the urge to fall asleep.

  
He doesn’t fall asleep, though. He can’t afford to. He’s afraid — too afraid to fall asleep. Too scared to say anything.

  
***  
“You’ll want to be careful with that caf, Ben,” Poe says, but there’s no real reproach in it. There’s a faint sort of smile in it, and Ben supposes he can smile too.

  
“I kind of need it,” Ben says, and that’s no exaggeration.

  
Poe looks at him, worry all but etched into his features. “Are you all right? You look a little worse for wear…”

  
“I had a rough night,” Ben says. That’s all he’s willing to say. He’s not going to tell Poe about his nightmares. Poe would think of him as some sort of horrible monster if he knew. He’d hate him.

  
Poe nods. “I’ve been having some rough nights too,” he says. “I mean…” He runs a hand through his hair. “I’ve been thinking about leaving the fleet, but they need me…”

  
That revelation honestly makes Ben love Poe more. Poe is just naturally selfless and kind. Ben can’t help but be jealous. He, in contrast, is nothing. Pathetic. His uncle never outright said he came from nothing, that he was nothing, but Ben can feel it in his voice, his thoughts.

  
“You’re a good man,” Ben says, softly. “You are. You truly are.” And he loves Poe, heart and soul. It doesn’t matter that he’s only nineteen. He loves Poe, and will always love Poe.

  
And yet he can’t just say it. Maybe he shouldn’t. Nothings don’t get to live happily ever after. Nothings don’t get to be happy. It’s just a matter of truth.

  
Poe smiles at him. “You don’t give yourself enough credit,” he says. “You are too.”

  
***

  
Even trying to fall asleep, it’s like Ben’s fantasies about Poe mingle with the nightmares. Even in between seeing explosions and gore, he sees Poe, beautiful and radiant, like a savior in the darkness.   
And Poe does some of the most wonderful things to him all the while…

  
He doesn’t tell his uncle about the strange mixture of pleasure and fear. He doesn’t tell Poe either.

  
He doesn’t tell anyone he wakes up, a mixture of afraid and aroused and guilty after the nightmare-fantasies.

  
He doesn’t tell anyone. He stuffs it down. It’s for the best anyway.

  
All of it’s for the best.

  
Ben hides his nightmares, hides his fantasies, and they lurk in the recesses of his mind, ready to surface at the right time.


End file.
